Feel good about your parenting: A three minute coaching exercise

What if you turned to look at your parenting from the opposite perspective. Instead of berating yourself for the things you don’t feel you did well enough, the moments you screwed up and lost your patience. Or the moments when you didn’t right then just in that moment want to give more.

What if you stopped evaluating what damage you might be creating, and instead looked on the gifts you might be giving as a mother.

You have them.

There is not one mother reading this, who does not without doubt love their children - bone deep, and therefore does amazing things for their child, creating and sharing beautiful memories and yes - giving gifts all the time. Every day.

I was sitting here tonight in the lounge room. Doing a last contemplation on the issue of whether we are finally getting a dog. Maddie has wanted a dog since she was 3 years old and has been pretty consistent in her desire for this goal. How could we not, and now is really the right time...

If there is a right time. It’s a bit like it was deciding now is the time to bring a child or a subsequent child into the family. But weaving Maddie’s life, her unique journey, the uniqueness of what she wants to bring and experience in the world, into the family fabric is sacred.
It is who our family is. It is who all families are.

Each member’s life journey is woven within the family fabric. This fabric is what makes each family unique, sparkly. Who they truly are.

So I am sitting here, looking at pictures of the puppy. Do we have everything we need and are we willing to include a dog into the lifestyle?

And I noticed a sort of heaviness in my body. In my chest really. Which for me is a bit of a flag for me to tune in. And I realised there was a part of me mourning that we hadn’t felt we could accommodate this until now. Remorse that we hadn’t found a way to give this faster.

Followed by the recognition that - it is what it is.

Followed by

… But we are doing it, we are finding a way to say yes to this. She will have the experience of a childhood pet, and a dog specifically.

We have also done it at a time when we could really truly weave it into the fabric of the family in a way that also honored the other members of the family and their thread which also supplied gifts and learning on that path.

We have also done tons of other great things in our children’s lives, over the years, months, weeks and hopefully days.

Why do we often keep our attention focused on what we feel are our failings as a parent? Yes we want to take a look there and be conscious and intentional about it, but we don’t want to dwell there.

That serves no one: Not your child, your family dynamic, nor your experience of motherhood.

What if you parented instead with an awareness of the good things, the great things you are doing in raising your children?

Right now just contemplate:

What are you doing pretty well?
Where are you bringing moments of joy as a mother?
Where are you in alignment with your values as a mother?
Where in hindsight did you do well?
Where are you doing well at the moment, right now, this week, today?
Where do you feel you are fulfilling your duty around raising the next generation of the planet.

There will be at least one answer to each of those questions. At least one. There will be.
Just sit with that for a minute or two, or three if you really want to experience this. Acknowledge each answer (without any stories or disclaimers).

Do this for each experience as you answer those questions. Acknowledge.

Now. How do you feel:

About yourself?
About your internal worries or fears?
How do you feel about “performance” as a mother (that’s a whole other discussion!) but do you feel better about your belief in yourself as a mother?

And here's a beautiful one:

How do you feel about your children right now? :)

It’s in all those tiny single snapshot moments, all the things that have been right, and beautiful, and sacred. Its in giggles, or cuddles, band aids, a moment of hearing them, of acknowledging them, of opening your energy to them fully. All those moments, sometimes just seconds. They all add up across the day. Especially if we choose to be conscious of them - by putting our awareness on them.

Our inspirational invitation to you

For today:

Keep your perspective turned around - focus on all the tiny moments where you do feel in alignment with who you want to be as a mother and what you want to give to your children in their lives.

Seek those moments out, put that in your self awareness (you can set an alarm on your phone for 2 or 3 times across the day to remind you). And each time a moment comes to your awareness, or a moment passes in the day where that happens, acknowledge.

- With no conditions. Acknowledge your self.
Our invitation to you: All today focus on appreciation. On all tiny moments where you feel in alignment with who you want to be as a mother and what you want to give to your children's lives. Place that in your awareness. Each time you remember: Acknowledge yourself, as you are (without conditions).

For those who want to really get into this, set an alarm on your phone to find 5 minutes of time in the evening to grab a piece of paper - any piece of paper, a pen, a pencil, ...a crayon.

For 4 minutes write down the moments you remember in the day. What happened, how you feel about the day - whatever flows out onto the paper. How did your outlook affect the emotions and relationships across the day? Even if you only write about one moment - that is all you need for this to create a shift.

For the last minute - write a gratitude list - as many things as spring to mind, just keep going :) - remember to really feel the emotion in your body as you bring them to mind. The power is in the body not the mind.

Love,
Lisa