Heal and re-ignite your relationship with your partner- Part 2

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Full Transcript
Hello, welcome back :-)

In this episode we’re talking a bit more about  connection games you can play together with your partner.

Lately we've started talking about partnership, and connection with our partners, and how to bring that into the whole family dynamic and how we work on healing or re-igniting the inspiration and the connection, the communication and the understanding in our relationships with our partner.

And in the last episode, we talked about creating a connection time, a connection space to focus on this, and we gave you a very specific exercise to deepen your understanding of each other and in today's episode we’re going to give you a new game to slot into that connection time.

This one's about totally turning that whole stereotype of ‘there’s something wrong with my husband or wife’ on it's head.

Eg, "When you do this, this is what it does to me"

Or, "This is what you're doing that's wrong for the relationship or the family or our children"

In this game you’re going to totally swap that around, you’re actually sharing...

"This is what I'm doing that's messing up our relationship. This what I'm doing that's not working"  (and you can play with this, be light about it and have fun in the process).

Then your partner is sharing,

"And this is what you are doing that IS working"

And then they’re sharing what they're doing that isn't working (and you’re sharing what they are doing that IS working).

Instead of playing the blame game on each other you’re flipping it around and almost giving yourself a hard time in the presence of your partner - in a fun way.

 It's not about blame though!

It's about having fun, exploring and taking responsibility.

As we said, this is one of those exercises that fits into your dedicated connection space, your connection time.

If you watched the last episode, you might already have a time in place, and you've been practicing the last game.

If you haven't seen the last episode, and you don't know what we're talking about, we’re talking about creating structured time and space to work on your relationship.

This is so important, particularly in the beginning when you're first getting the reconnection between you both going again, when you’re first getting the cycle between your connection, your communication and your understanding of each other back into a healthy place. One of the most helpful things you can do is create structured time on a regular basis, where you aim to do that.

So create some structured time and start funnelling these games into it.

You're structured time might be 5 minutes, it might be 15 minutes, it might be 30 minutes. It might be every day, it might be once a week. Work out whatever works for you and just start making a commitment to the time, what’s really important is you make it happen. The value of putting these games in that time is that if you have not had time and space like that together for a long time, and you feel quite disconnected, it can be easy to derail the whole experience - to end up arguing with each other. But if you've got these games - that have clear agreements and structures, then you can stay more on task with intention of reconnecting and actually reaching more understanding rather than having more arguments that bring you further apart.

With this communication game we're not saying that your partner isn’t in the wrong and you are, or that something is one person’s fault.

Not anything like that, in fact, we are suggesting you suspend the idea that anyone needs to be in the wrong or at fault and see it as a game in both of you taking responsibility. Each of you will bring stuff to the relationship, both good and bad. And this communication game is about bringing that all to the surface in a really non judgemental way, and in a way that claims responsibility.

1. So when you start, you go first and you'll say,

"This is what I bring to the relationship that isn't working" Then you state it (eg. I have been short with you lately)

2. And your partner will hear you and then say,

"And this is what you are bringing to the relationship that is working. eg. Whenever I come home, you give me a hug."

3. Then it's your partner's turn - you're tag teaming, one and then the other. They will say,

"And so, this is what I bring to the relationship that isn't working. eg. When I get home, all I want to do is go and be by myself, and I don't help with the children."

4. Then you will hear your partner and then say,

"And this is what you're bringing to the relationship that is working eg. a crazy sense of humour that makes everyone laugh."

You keep going backwards and forwards, and you'll break the ice, and you can start to get silly and funny, you can take this and you can make it hilarious if you want to.

On one hand you're taking responsibility and acknowledging what's not working, from your side of the relationship.

"100% I own this, this is what I'm doing that's not working, that's not healthy for our relationship."

And on the other hand, you're also acknowledging the strengths that your partner is bringing to the relationship, which is really affirming for them.

We join that together into one game, and you just tag team off each other.

If this game seems hard to do together it's okay to have some silence.

If you're feeling quite disconnected, it might take a while to think of something that you’re grateful of in your partner.

If that is so for you, make it an agreement together that it's okay to have a bit of space, it doesn't have to be like a hot potato where you're jumping between each other.

Just let whatever comes come - even if it's something really little like, "You smiled at me this morning." just keep going with whatever comes, and more will come out of it, you will both emerge through the process.

Typically, these connection games can spark something and you can go further into deeper conversation or connection and you can take it where it needs to go, they're a doorway back to each other.

So that's it for this connection game, please try it out and let us know how you went - we really value hearing all of those stories, it's absolutely special for us!

And if you're liking what we're posting about partnership in particular, then you're gonna want to check the link below.

http://mothersawakening.com/partners-program

Until next time,

Big Love

xx