Download the Free Audio Podcast of this Episode on iTunes

Full Transcript

 

Self-care is such a hot issue for all mothers.

How do you meet your self-care needs and the demands of being a mother and running a family, and all other things that you’re trying to achieve in life?

 

Our take on it is probably a little different to a lot of people's, but essentially when you become a mother, you no longer have the clock on clock off time that you were used to when you either went to school or when you worked.

When you went to work or formal education, when you were off work it was very obvious you were off work. And that no longer works when you become a mother. And if you trying to carry through that belief and that model, you’re gonna come completely unravelled.

And a lot of us often do. A lot of mothers equate self-care with having a lot of ‘me’ time and then get really stressed out when that is not so easy and then think, "Well I just can't care for myself, it's not possible. Either I can be a mother or I can care for myself." And you fall into the role of a martyr with beliefs like  “I can deal with it," fuelling you...

and then get burn out.

 

When you are in that mindset of "I MUST have those slabs of time by myself to recharge,"

you either come into conflict with your values as a mother and you go, "No, I'm not gonna do that," and you get burnt out because it's not sustainable OR you completely disengage from your children for large slabs of time and just check out.

 

And the model that we are proposing requires that you to do neither of those things. We call it in-the-moment self-care.

 

In-the-moment self-care is a shift in your belief system on the way that you meet your needs in the day. If you take on this model you can actually meet about 80% of your self-care needs without disengaging from your children or the day at all.

 

!!Disclaimer!!

We're not saying that taking ‘me’ time, going out and doing things for yourself sometimes is bad, it's not, and sometimes it's really needed and it's incredibly valuable. But it's not the only way to care for yourself. And you actually need that far less if you care for yourself in the moment as well.

‘Me’ time, which we call our sacred recharge time is a valid portion of your overall self-care, but it's definitely the smaller portion. And it really depends on how much of an introvert and how much solitude you need to recharge, as to what sort of percentages you need between the two.

So what is "in the moment self-care?"

Essentially it's bringing yourself into the day.

It's saying that, "I'm valid, my wants and my needs are valid. How can they be integrated and meshed into all the other needs of the day?"

Because often as a mother, we put our needs last. We let them go right to the end and just hope somehow that they will miraculously have space somewhere and often they don't.

If we continue to neglect that, then we're in trouble.

If, instead, we get a little creative and we are willing to look at it, there's often many ways that you can fit your needs in alongside your children's needs and the busy-ness of the day in the moment.

 

It's a whole new way of looking at how you might be cleaning or how you might be cooking or how you might be reading to your children. It's asking yourself questions like "How can I do this in a way that meets my needs? In a way that's pleasurable for me, in a way that recharges me.”

So in those examples - cooking dinner. You could put on your favourite music while you cook dinner. Reading to your children - you could do it so that you're sitting on cushions in the sun, and you're getting some sun on your body. The way that you clean might be that you dance while you do that or that you work in little pieces. Or that you buy flowers that you like and put them on the table or burn oils that smell beautiful to you.

All these little tiny moments and small acts of self care that cater to all of your senses. And you bring them into the day, all throughout the day.

When doing this, you’re showing your children who you are, what you love, what you need and what lights you up and it makes for a much more full, whole family unit AND it's a much more sustainable way to go about caring for yourself.

 

 

1

So the first step in achieving this is to create a list of things that we would call your "in the moment self-care list."

You can come up with a completely new and random act of self care in the moment but often when you're getting started, it helps to have thought out a little list. That way you can draw on the things on that list when life is in full swing busy-ness and you realise your self care needs are lacking.

When you're creating that list, engage all of your senses.

We're sensual, sensuous beings. So generally what re-energises us, and what fills us up are things that enliven our senses.

Smells, what are the little things you can do in the moment to satisfy your needs around smell, and around sound? And lack of, and less sound. Around taste, all the different little things.

"those teas that I've tried at someone else's house that felt so nurturing and nourishing, i’ll buy them for myself so I have it in the house. So I can have that tea when the day is in a full blown busy-ness.”

What is beauty to you? What would you want to see around you? What do you need to do in terms of your movement? Do you need to dance? Do you need to walk? What do you need in terms of your connection to nature? Do you need to sit outside in the sunshine for a minute?

Right now, Jot down five or six things that you know, recharge you, re-energise you, make you feel good.

 

Remember, these are just the moment to moment things. This isn’t where you write a day out at a spa, but you know what?

You can take those larger things, ("I need to get out for the day," or, "I need to go and get a massage.") and then distill them back to their essence.

What is it that you need from that massage?

Is it that you need nurturing OR is it that you're stiff and sore?

They're two quite different things and when you get clear on what it is, you can find an in the moment practice that will meet the essence of that need.

You can also make self-massage one of your in-the-moment practices AND Children often like to massage too.

So, we are asking you to be a bit creative and create that list... Do it now :-)

 

2

And the second part of in-the-moment self care is to set the alarm on your phone. Set it for three or four times a day to get started. Then, throughout the day, when your alarm goes off, stop and you ask yourself these questions,

"What am I feeling right now?" and take the time listen because often we don't, we ignore what we feeling. But from now on you will check in and say,

"What am I feeling right now?"

Find out what are you feeling in the moment. Not what you think you should be feeling, what you're actually feeling.

 

Another thing you can ask instead is,

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how topped up am I? How energised am I? How met are my self-care needs?"

And generally if they're anywhere below 7 or 8, you need to acknowledge them and do something. Do something especially when they're up higher around 6-8, rather than when they're right down at 1.

When they’re right down there, that's when it's really, really, really, urgent and it's less likely you're going to be in a place where in-the-moment self care will support you. If you’ve gotten to 1, your needs are going to be screaming at you, and you're probably going to need far more than in the moment intervention so aim for the top level.

Remember, this is a preventative model of self-care. You don't want to get to the point that you are completely depleted.

 

Another question, once you know where you’re at is,

given that, "What am I needing?" or, "What am I wanting?"

Again you might need to bring it back to the essence of the thing you’re wanting,

"What am I needing and how can you find a way to make that happen in the next short time frame?”

In the next couple of moments is ideal, but certainly within the next hour.

 

And that's where your list can come in handy.

"is there anything on my self-care list?"

You might need look it, or it might just come to you because you've thought about it and you’ve written it down.

 

And do that thing, put that music on, put the oils on, make yourself the tea, do that right then and there. Because it doesn't take long and it can be a part of your day, it can be a part of your relationships with your children and it shifts the whole experience for you, and it brings you up on that scale of having your needs topped up.

So that's an intro to "in the moment self-care," and that's a practice that you can take.

Bring "in the moment self-care," into your moments with your children and...

enjoy